🚀 go-pugleaf

In article <2kk04i$5...@kraken.itc.gu.edu.au>, hbsp...@kraken.itc.gu.edu.au (James Perkins) writes:
|> There once was a man with a member
|> That would only stand up in December.
|> He said: "Then it's too cold
|> For a hard-on so bold
|> I wish it would work in September!"

There was an old bishop from Buckingham
Who cooled off his bollocks by ducking 'em
And watching the stunts
of the cunts in the punts
And the tricks of the pricks that was fucking 'em!

--
+--------------------+------------------------------------------+
| Charles Carey,     |                                          |
| Motorola Ltd,      | Tel No +44 793 541541 Ext 5558           |
| 16 Euro Way,       | Fax No +44 793 541228                    |
| Blagrove, Swindon, | E-mail car...@zeus.swindon.rtsg.mot.com  |
| England, SN5 8YQ.  | DoD# 1223 - Work to Ride & Ride to Work  |
+--------------------+------------------------------------------+
|   Champange for real friends and real pain for sham friends   |
+---------------------------------------------------------------+
--
+--------------------+------------------------------------------+
| Charles Carey,     |                                          |
| Motorola Ltd,      | Tel No +44 793 541541 Ext 5558           |
| 16 Euro Way,       | Fax No +44 793 541228                    |
| Blagrove, Swindon, | E-mail car...@zeus.swindon.rtsg.mot.com  |
| England, SN5 8YQ.  | DoD# 1223 - Work to Ride & Ride to Work  |
+--------------------+------------------------------------------+
|   Champange for real friends and real pain for sham friends   |
+---------------------------------------------------------------+

In article <2kkp4r$g...@babel.swindon.rtsg.mot.com>,
car...@zeus.swindon.rtsg.mot.com (Charles Carey) wrote:

>
>
> In article <2kk04i$5...@kraken.itc.gu.edu.au>, hbsp...@kraken.itc.gu.edu.au (James Perkins) writes:
> |> There once was a man with a member
> |> That would only stand up in December.
> |> He said: "Then it's too cold
> |> For a hard-on so bold
> |> I wish it would work in September!"
>
> There was an old bishop from Buckingham
> Who cooled off his bollocks by ducking 'em
> And watching the stunts
> of the cunts in the punts
> And the tricks of the pricks that was fucking 'em!


And a whole bunch more:

There was a young sailor from Brighton
Who remarked to his girl, "You're a tight one."
She replied, "`Pon my soul,
You're in the wrong hole;
There's plenty of room in the right one."


The was a young lady named Flo.
Whose lover had pulled out too slow.
	So they tried it all night
	Till he got it just right....
Well, practice makes pregnant, you know.


There was a young fellow named Pell
Who didn't like cunt very well.
	He would finger and fuck one,
	But never would suck one--
He just couldn't get use to the smell.


I'd rather have fingers than toes,
I'd rather have ears than a nose,
	And a happy erection
	Brought just to perfection
Makes me terribly sad when it goes.


An agreeable girl named Miss Doves
Likes to jack off the young men she loves.
	She will use her bare fist
	If the fellows insist
But she really prefers to wear gloves.


Said a dainty young whore named Miss Meggs,
"The men like to spread my two legs,
	Then slip in between,
	If you know what I mean,
And leave me the white of there eggs."


The spouse of a pretty young thing
Came home from the war in the spring.
	He was lame but he came
	With his dame like a flame-
A discharge is a wonderful thing.


A notorious whore named Miss Hearst
In the weakness of men is well versed.
	Reads a sign o'er the head
	Of her well-rumpled bed:
"The customer always comes first!"


The captain's pretty young bride
Fell into the sea at low tide
You could tell by her squeals
That some of the eels
Had found a dark place to hide


There once was a fellow named Siegel
Who attempted to bugger a beagle,
	But the mettlesome bitch
	Turned and said with a twitch,
"It's fun, but you know it's illegle."


There was a young fellow named Fyfe
Who married the pride of his life,
	But imagine the pain
	When he struggled in vain,
And just couldn't get into his wife.


A young bride was once heard to say,
"Oh dear, I am wearing away!
	The inside of my thighs
	Look just like mince pies,
For my husband won't shave every day."


Rich

In article <2kkp4r$g...@babel.swindon.rtsg.mot.com>, car...@zeus.swindon.rtsg.mot.com (Charles Carey) writes:
|>
|>
|> In article <2kk04i$5...@kraken.itc.gu.edu.au>, hbsp...@kraken.itc.gu.edu.au (James Perkins) writes:
|> |> There once was a man with a member
|> |> That would only stand up in December.
|> |> He said: "Then it's too cold
|> |> For a hard-on so bold
|> |> I wish it would work in September!"
|>
|> There was an old bishop from Buckingham
|> Who cooled off his bollocks by ducking 'em
|> And watching the stunts
|> of the cunts in the punts
|> And the tricks of the pricks that was fucking 'em!
|>
|> --

There was a man from Mars
Whose balls were made of brass
And when he ran they always banged
And sparks came out of his arse

In article <2kpv7s$h...@sisters.cs.uoregon.edu> ar...@majestix.cs.uoregon.edu (Arun Shankar Mattikalli) writes:
>In article <2kkp4r$g...@babel.swindon.rtsg.mot.com>, car...@zeus.swindon.rtsg.mot.com (Charles Carey) writes:
>|> In article <2kk04i$5...@kraken.itc.gu.edu.au>, hbsp...@kraken.itc.gu.edu.au (James Perkins) writes:

[limericks deleted]

There once was a young man from Kent
Whose dick was so horribly bent
That to save him some trouble
He would put it in double
So that instead of coming, he went!

John
--
John Nixon {H.E.O. 5 Dude} jni...@spam.maths.adelaide.edu.au [(08) 303-5407]
Department of Applied Mathematics, The University of Adelaide, SA, AUSTRALIA
      "Praga Khan" Sample of the Week: "We don't need that anymore."

There once was a young man from Leeds
Who swallowed a packet of seeds.
Great tufts of grass
sprouted out of his ass
And his balls were all covered in weeds.

There once was a man from Madrass
Whose balls were made out of brass
When he clanked them together
They played "Stormy Weather"
And lightening shot out of his ass.

There once was a virgin named Alice
Who is said to have pissed in a chalice.
But 'tis the common belief
It was done for relief
And not out of Protestant malace.
--
My candle burns at both ends;                        | I fish therefore I am.
It will not last the night;                          |   Chris Cochems
But ah, my foes, and oh, my friends--                |      Hayward, CA USA
It gives a lovely light! --  Edna St. Vincent Millay |        tu...@netcom.com

	How about this one!

There once was a girl named Dot,
Who lived off of pig shit and snot,
When she couldn't find these
She'd eat the green cheese
She'd find on the side's of her tawt!

------
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mark D. Holbert                                             hol...@cps.msu.edu
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
		   Linux: Kills Corporate Computing Dead
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

There once was a man from Racine
Who invented a fucking machine
Concave and convex
It would fit either sex
And jack itself off in between.

A womans libber named Doris
Dated a chauvinest - Boris
He made an improvement
For she gave up the movement
When she discovered she had a clitoris.

In days of old when knights were bold
And rubbers weren't invented
They wrapped old socks
Around their cocks
Thus babies were prevented.

There was a man from Racine
Who tried to fart "God Save the Queen"
When he reached the soprano
He lost all his guano
Now his britches aren't fit to be seen.

--
My candle burns at both ends;                        | I fish therefore I am.
It will not last the night;                          |   Chris Cochems
But ah, my foes, and oh, my friends--                |      Hayward, CA USA
It gives a lovely light! --  Edna St. Vincent Millay |        tu...@netcom.com

There once was a man named Howles
Who sucked shit from other men's bowels
He also did this
With prostitute's piss
And with the drippings from sanitary towels.

There once ws a lady named Dot
For fifty cents you could get into her slot
After 75 guys
Jizzed onto her thighs
I said,"I'd like to eat ya....NOT"!

There once was a man from Wheeling
Who pounded his pud with great feeling
Then like a trout
He'd stick his mouth out
And wait for the drops from the ceiling.

There once was a man from Rangoon
Who was born 9 months too soon
Didn't have the luck
To be born by a fuck
He had to be scraped off the sheets with a spoon.

There once was a lady named Betty
Whose cunts hairs stuck together like spaghetti
She had all of this sleaze
Hanging down to her knees
You had to part her legs with a machete

From this weeks In Living Color Episode:

-Yo moma's is so hairy bigfoot takes pictures of her.

-Yo moma's so ugly she had to get her baby drunk before breastfeeding it.

-Yo moma's so fat that when she bunje jumps she goes straight to hell.

-Yo moma's drawers are so funky that roaches check in but they don't check out.

-Yo moma's so old she's in Jesus's yearbook.

-Yo moma's teeth are so yellow traffic slows down when she smiles.

-Yo moma's teeth are so yellow she spits butter.

-Yo moma's so ugly for Holloween she trick or treats on the phone.

-Yo moma's so short you can see her feet on her drivers lisence.

-Yo moma's house is so dusty the roaches ride around on doom buggies.

-Yo moma's like the pillbury doughboy everyone gets a poke.

In <tunaCM...@netcom.com> tu...@netcom.com (Chris Cochems) writes:

There once was a eunic form munic
who wore a laschevious tunic.
It was woven with care
From fine pubic hair
in patterns both rubic and runeic

forgive the spelling I'm in a rush

Matthew
;

Arun Shankar Mattikalli (ar...@majestix.cs.uoregon.edu) wrote:
}There was a man from Mars
}Whose balls were made of brass
}And when he ran they always banged
}And sparks came out of his arse

It goes...

There once was a man from Albass
Whose balls, they were made out of brass
He'd clang them together
And play "Stormy Weather"
While lightening would shoot from his ass

--
And the Thought of the Moment (tm) is...

CCITT - Can't Conceive Intelligent Thoughts Today

In article <2lc5dj$4...@rigel.infinet.com>, dion...@infinet.com (Denny E. Miller) writes:
>There once was a man from Albass
>Whose balls, they were made out of brass
>He'd clang them together
>And play "Stormy Weather"
>While lightening would shoot from his ass

A few that I liked:

	There once was a couple named Kelly
	Who went through life belly to belly.
	For once, in their haste,
	They used library paste,
	Instead of petroleum jelly...


	There once was a man, most unsavory,
	Who held the Bishop of Boston in slavery.
	Amidst hootings and howles
	He'd deflower young owls
	Which he kept in an underground aviary.


	There once was a violinist named Cleo
	Who slept with a cellist named Leo.
	As she took down her panties,
	She said, "No andantes!"
	"I want this allegro con brio!"


	There was an old Scot named McAmeter
	Who possessed a remarkable diameter!
	But it wasn't the size
	That opened their eyes,
	'Twas his rhythm: Trochaic Hexameter!


And one that I wrote years ago:

	There once was a man from Van Isle
	Who said jogging just wasn't his style.
	"I'll get my workouts," he said,
	"At home, in my bed,"
	"'Cause a Miss is as good as a mile!"


                -- Mike "the last limerick is Copyright 1979" Bartman --

==============================================================================
| I didn't really say all the things that I said.  You probably didn't read  |
| what you thought you read.  Statistics show that this whole thing is more  |
| than likely just a hideous misunderstanding.				     |
==============================================================================

==============================================================================
Project Management is a lot like pushing a wheelbarrow of frogs to market.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In article <119700001@glas>, George R. Bevis <be...@glas.apc.org> writes:
>A king who never could rhyme
>declared limmerick writing a crime,
>but late in the night
>all the scribes would write
>Poems without rhyme or meter.

Along the same lines:


	In Paris there once dwelt a man
	Who's limericks never would scan.
	He said, "Try as I might,"
	"I can't get it right,"
	"'Cause I always try to fit as many words into the last line 
	    as I possibly can!"


	There once was a man from Kazoo,
	Who's limericks always end on line two.


	There once was a man from Verdun.


                    -- Mike "Got lots more!" Bartman --

==============================================================================
| I didn't really say all the things that I said.  You probably didn't read  |
| what you thought you read.  Statistics show that this whole thing is more  |
| than likely just a hideous misunderstanding.				     |
==============================================================================

==============================================================================
"There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics." -- Twain
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Wait, I can't believe nobody posted the most famous limeric of
all time!
Here goes:

	There once was a man from Nantucket
	who's dick was so long, he could suck it.
	He said with a grin
	as he wiped off his chin
	if my ear was a cunt, I could fuck it!

DAn.
*
"Listen, young lady, you'll take your licks and like it!"
                    - Humphrey Bogart, "The Maltese Falcon"
*

There was an old man from Gloucester
who would take a girl home and accost her
the number to date
has gone up to eight
and out in the garden he lost her.

In nineteen forty four
the monkeys went to war
they had no guns
they used their bums
in nineteen fourty four

In nineteen fourty nine
the queen went down a mine
she slipped on a ticky
and cut her pippy
in nineteen forty nine

In article <2lfhtg$d...@scoop.eco.twg.com>
           mi...@vishnu.eco.twg.com "This space intentionally left blank" writes:

[snip]

>        There was an old Scot named McAmeter
>        Who possessed a remarkable diameter!
>        But it wasn't the size
>        That opened their eyes,
>        'Twas his rhythm: Trochaic Hexameter!
                           ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
                           Iambic Pentameter

Regards,

--
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bruce Horrocks                   "At the age of six I wanted to be a cook.
Surrey, England                   At seven I wanted to be Napoleon.
                                  And my ambition has been growing ever since."
b...@granby.demon.co.uk                     - Salvador Dali
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well, how about this one?

There once was a student called Dan,
Whose limerick's didn't quite rhyme,
They didn't scan properly either
And there were never enough lines,

		Dan Smith, worc...@black.ox.ac.uk

		Emacs won't let me read in my sig!

>Subject: Re: limerick
Here's one that didn't get published in 'The Lure of the Limerick'

There was a young fellow from Perth
The dirtiest bastard on Earth
When his wife was confined
He pulled down the blind
And licked up the afterbirth


Phil Bock
Dept of Civil & Geological Engineering
Royal Melbourne Institute of Technology
bo...@rmit.edu.au
(Int.) +61 3 660 2411

In article <763166...@granby.demon.co.uk>, b...@granby.demon.co.uk (Bruce Horrocks) writes:
>In article <2lfhtg$d...@scoop.eco.twg.com>
>           mi...@vishnu.eco.twg.com "This space intentionally left blank" writes:
>
>[snip]
>
>>        There was an old Scot named McAmeter
>>        Who possessed a remarkable diameter!
>>        But it wasn't the size
>>        That opened their eyes,
>>        'Twas his rhythm: Trochaic Hexameter!
>                           ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
>                           Iambic Pentameter
>
>Regards,

Go write your own limerick!  It was, and is, Trochaic Hexameter!  Iambic
Pentameter is hardly eye-opening...

                -- Mike "Learn, then comment..." Bartman --

==============================================================================
| I didn't really say all the things that I said.  You probably didn't read  |
| what you thought you read.  Statistics show that this whole thing is more  |
| than likely just a hideous misunderstanding.				     |
==============================================================================

==============================================================================
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

   Here is one I wrote a few years ago:

      There once was a man named Ted
      Who had pot growing out of his head
      The cause of those weeds
      Was from smoking the seeds
      Or so I have heard it said.

In honor of a classmate I knew at the time.

		     R*N

      e

I'm new to this group, so please forgive me if you've seen these
before (I first saw them in Omni magazine over a decade ago. :)


The voice from the UFO cried:
"To the smartest, we'll give a free ride!"
Several men volunteered,
But the ship disapeared,
With a whale and two dolphins inside.


The Meticulous space lady felt
It was dusty in space where she dwelt
So she hooked a long pole
To the nearest black hole
And vacuumed the asteroid belt


There once was a driver named Breen,
Who had the fastest machine on the sceen
While driving at night
With no cops in sight
He blushifted the red lights to green


The once was a lady named Bright
Who's speed was far faster than light
She took off one day
In a relative way
And returned the previous night.


There once was an astronaught, Dwight
When asked about his upcomming flight
Did he have worry one
'Bout landing on the sun?
"Heck no!  We're landing at night!"


Null gravity is hard on lovers.
Especially pushers and shovers.
The problem of docking,
And then interlocking,
Is greatly increased when one hovers!


*****************************************************************************
Rocket Ratts                 | Conversation, n., a verbal competition in
                             | which the one who is catching his breath is
rat...@lpl.arizona.edu       | known as the listener.
GE/CS/S d-- -p+ c++ l-(+) u+ e++ m++(*) s+/- !n(-) h f+ g+++ w+ t+ r+ x++(--)*
*****************************************************************************

A king who never could rhyme
declared limmerick writing a crime,
but late in the night
all the scribes would write
Poems without rhyme or meter.